November 1, 2018

Screwtop red wine in the cemetery (Portland, OR)

Am sitting in my driveway right now finishing off a screwtop bottle of red wine following my first date (I hope) with X. No shit, that’s her first initial.

She drank one glass of wine. I killed two at the bar and am finishing a bottle now. I tried to kiss her in Lone Fir cemetery and she rebuffed me. Then she texted me axing me to let her know I got home safe. Women! X., if you’re reading, I’m fine.

I’d date this girl. She’s pretty, she’s sufficiently exotic to hold my interest, she’s tall, and she has captivating green eyes. I’m sold. Cue Pachebel’s Canon. As long as she likes the Grateful Dead, I’m there.

But seriously. These last few months have been a mess. Ximena is a treat. I hope to get to know her better.

September 23, 2018

Me=Dumb (Phoenix, AZ)

I booked a hotel for the wrong night entirely at some dumb work conference. So now I'm stuck in Phoenix unnecessarily for an extra day after driving twenty hours from Eugene.

September 4, 2018

R.I.P., Dad (Woodbridge, VA)

My father died today at approximately six o' clock in the evening at Virginia Hospital Center of complications from several catastrophic strokes. He had developed locked-in syndrome and was fully paralysed from the eyes down—he lost even the ability to swallow. He was 64 years old. 

I watched it happen and was the only person to see him die. I told the other people who were in the room what was happening once I suspected he had stopped breathing; they called in a nurse who confirmed that he had no heartbeat by checking his pulse, first by hand and then with a machine. His color partially drained very quickly, giving him the appearance of having a sallow, yellow complexion. 

I urged everyone to complete various tasks. My uncle Gig was the second-to-last person to leave my father's hospital room after he died. I was the last. I am unlikely to ever lay eyes on his physical form again. 

I'm worried I rushed my mom and sister out too fast. I shall tell them tonight—soon (they're getting food right now)—that they can still see him tomorrow, either in the morgue or at the funeral home. 

I hope I have been doing the right things. 

September 3, 2018

At the hospital with dad (Arlington, VA)

Spending the night at the hospital with dad. It's hard to sleep here. I got here from Oregon yesterday. 

August 25, 2018

At McGraw's (Portland, OR)

At McGraws. Feeling pretty good. Just ate a fine breakfast. 

Thursday: Practiced with Jonathan. Got drunk at Lucky House. Met some chick at the bar and swapped spit in the parking lot for a bit. She asked me to go home and fuck her, but I declined. Gotta avoid that place for a bit. 

Woke up in a cold sweat at three am. Anxious hypochondria. I went back to sleep after a few minutes. 

Friday (last night): Volunteered as a DJ at a dance for disabled people. Had a good time. Drank three beers with Jonathan at Top of the Hill. Talked with HYM on the phone for a bit. 

Got a DM from KH yesterday. She ain't mad at me. Maybe she'll come to my party tonight? 

August 23, 2018

Talked to dad today (Portland, OR)

Talked to dad today. Pretty rough. 

August 21, 2018

Standing on the corner of Halsey and 122 (Portland)

Standing on the corner of Halsey and 122 waiting for Jonathan to pick me up. I dropped my car off at the Ford dealership a minute ago. 

Drank at FloRo till two. Drove to 7-Eleven for a hot dog; they had none. Car got stuck in reverse. Then the engine wouldn't turn over. A bum helped me push it into a spot, so I bought him an ice cream (at three in the morning!)

Last night was definitely not my finest moment. I was ungentlemanly to KH last night, and now I don't know if I should apologise—I get so handsy when I'm drunk. I keep telling myself I'll stop being that way, but I never do. 

KH is a real sweetheart and I'd hate to alienate her. I don't know if a quick message today would make things better or worse. Also, I called Bobby a rat and referred to him as the "morality police" because he pointed out that I shouldn't be so demonstrative with a gal who's attached to their friend. Maybe so, Bob, maybe so...

My sister is in a real bad state. She's super depressed. I'm going to try to reach out to her this week to plan non-alcoholic stuff to do, like board games or movies. I'm worried about her. 

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