November 29, 2014

Ten PM at Lucky House (Portland, OR)

Surrounded by neighborhood people. Karaoke's happening.

Plan earlier was to meet up with P. and her friends. That has apparently changed. I'm bummed, although I suppose I did what I set out to do with her. I just wish she desired to be my girlfriend, not just fuck me in a drunken stupor. I barely remember any details.

Three interesting details from today:
  1. I found Erin Beck's OKCupid profile (!) glad to be part of the legacy of her intellectual development—she lists This Mortal Coil as one of her favorite bands; and
  2. I did what I believe to be the final edits to The Black Hand; and
  3. I broke it off with K.G. this afternoon. She got bitchy. I didn't have heart to tell her/admit that it was her strange appearance the last night we were together. She looked ghoulish in profile. And her pussy drooped. I've never seen something quite like it. I couldn't take her serious sexually after that.
I'm sure there's more, but much of it escapes me.

I just finished the craziest first date ever (Portland, OR)

At around one, I picked up P. at her friends' house. She introduced me as "Darren". I ragged on her about that in the car. I'd earlier asked Dan Asay to remind me of the restaurant he liked in her neighborhood; we want there and it looked hideous. So I took her to Biddy McGraw's.

We ordered breakfast and then Sean told us they only served it on weekends. So P. got a Monte Cristo and I got a pulled pork sandwich. We ate them and drank coffee and beer. The we went to Roscoe's.

I ordered two cranberry sour beers while P. was in the toilet. When she emerged, we drank and enjoyed them. When the moment was right I reached across the table and kissed her. She smiled. I did, too. I was happy.

We then went to Lucky House after stopping briefly at my place. I don't remember why. Maybe to prove to Kate that P. actually exists.

When we got to Lucky House, P. got a text telling her that her best friend had died. Suicide. We got in the car and went to 7-11, where we bought two bouquets and a six pack.

My memory gets hazy here. I know we had sex. I know I ejaculated in her without a condom [twice!] and said "How do you feel about getting pregnant?" She said she had a IUD.

The she took a Klonopin and I took half of one and we went to bed. When I awoke, I had my arms around her and she was sleeping curled up in a tiny ball. I smelled her and kissed her and held her quite tight until it was time to get up. She stayed asleep another hour or two.

When we both woke up, P. took a shower first, and then I did. I called Blitz because she wanted to watch the Ohio State football game, which they confirmed they were showing. So I took her.

When we arrived, Buckeyes fans were everywhere. They wore the team colors—red and something else (grey, perhaps)—and did a cheer with the letters O H I O. Funny in its way, I suppose.

P. said she wasn't feeling well. I told her I'd take her home. On the way to the car, she knelt on the sideway and vomited twice. She said she was having panic attacks. I went back into Blitz to get her a cup of water and discovered she'd left her purse. So I took it to her.

When I dropped her off, a male friend was there to greet her. He gave her a big hug and I drove off.

Hours later, this text: "Hey Daniel. Thank you so much for showing me around. And for being so kind. I'm very lucky to have made your acquaintance. The ohio States Marching Band did a tribute to Westside story at half time"

I hope I see her again, but I don't know if I'm gonna. She's the most beautiful girl I've dated (assuming that what we're doing...)

November 12, 2014

Food for the body, food for the mind (Portland, OR)

About three years ago I met a woman [this is about A.B., of course; I just can't bring myself to acknowledge her name] and fell in something sort of resembling love. We were together for a few months and then she needed to leave the country for six months to work. We decided we'd stick it out and be a couple together while she was gone.

When she left, I vowed I'd get sexier in her absence (we both did, actually—she pledged to exercise unceasingly during her time away). I was uncomfortable with some aspects of my appearance so I researched fixes on the Internet and set about implementing them.

First I started exercising. I found the excellent Stronglifts website and began strength training using the 5x5 method explained on the site. I began running, too, although the Stronglifts guy seems to be against it. It just felt so good once I got the rhythm right that I couldn't stop.

There were meal recommendations on Stronglifts, too, so I tried adhering to them. But it basically meant eating cottage cheese and canned mackerel six times a day, and I lacked that kind of discipline. Still, I vowed to eat less junk food and to start preparing meals at home for myself.

I lived in a little basement apartment and I only had a kitchenette and owned no dishes. One day, I went out and bought a knife, a frying pan, and some other stuff so I could start cooking. But I didn't know what to cook or how to do it.

The Internet gave me ideas, and I tried some of them. I made salmon in tinfoil, which was good, but eventually I got tired of trying recipes that taxed my patience (too much boring preparation) or required a bunch of ingredients—largely spices and the like—that a normally-stocked kitchen would have but mine didn't.

Then I developed a recipe of my own. It tastes good, is high in protein, is relatively cheap, and is fun to cook. It goes like this:
  1. Chop up one green pepper, half an onion, and six to eight mushrooms. Put them on a plate.
  2. Put a small amount of olive oil (ideally the expensive kind) in a frying pan. Turn the burner to medium. Toss in a small amount of salt and an equal amount of pepper.
  3. Add the vegetables. Cook them for a little bit until they seem done. Then dump them on the plate.
  4. Put half a pound of ground beef in the frying pan. Squish it with your hands or the spatula until it lays flat. Cut it into smaller pieces with the spatula and cook until the meat turns brown.
  5. Put the meat on the plate with the vegetables. Eat and enjoy.
So I lived in a basement apartment, ate THE DISH three or four times a week, and lifted weights (I'd borrowed the weights from a friend, who himself borrowed them from his enormous—and imprisoned—drug dealer roommate. I still have them!) After the first month or two I was still on track with the program and seeing actual improvement. I loved it. My weight dropped, too. I got less flabby and I eventually weighed 178 pounds. My body looked better than it did before.

During this period I quit smoking and wrote, produced, and performed in a play. I started writing music again, too. I felt wonderful. I even bought a house.

When the woman came home I stopped exercising. I reasoned that we were having sex often and vigorously enough that I didn't need it anymore. Also, she wasn't especially concerned with fitness so I just let it drop. Finally, there's a Chinese restaurant across the street from the house I bought, so we started eating and drinking beer there all the time.

Time passed and I gained weight. I got weaker, too, and my ability to run diminished. The woman moved out because I wasn't kind to her but we kept going together, which meant dating and eating at restaurants all the time. I weighed two hundred pounds when she finally ended it for good. Braver than me, I guess. I would've let us languish forever.

When I found out later that she was pregnant by someone else [on October 3, 2014] I entered a fairly profound period of anger and regret. I railed against everything and screamed at people and drank until I blacked out on several nights. Once I woke up with some of the bones in my hand messed up from punching something. I hope it wasn't a person.

Anyhow, I remembered after a while how good it felt to exercise and eat healthier. I went back to Stronglifts and restarted the program from the beginning. It felt so good. I start thinking about my exercises when I'm at work and I get super excited and can't wait to go home and lift the weights.

I also started making THE DISH again. It's as good as I remember. Tonight, I made it with lamb instead of beef. The lamb has more calories, but who cares?—there's  protein in it and I exercised today. I also ate some bread with it, which I haven't been doing recently. Bon apetit!

Food for the mind

You gotta be in the right mindset to make and eat THE DISH. It isn't easy. You need good music, so I made a playlist of my favorite songs that I both eat and exercise to. It's got Zendaya on there ("Replay"), Bruce Cockburn ("Lovers in a Dangerous Time"), and other great stuff.

I sometimes change it up when I'm preparing THE DISH. Tonight, I listened to The Cainian Chronicles by Ancient. Songs two through five are awesome. You should check 'em out while you cook sometime. You can think about me and how this thing we call love is fickle, but the Spartan lifestyle will be with us always.

November 5, 2014

Sitting in a shitty bar listening to two repulsive old whores (Portland, OR)

Sitting in a bar, listening to two women in their thirties talking about sex: "I've done this, she's done that—WE'VE done that". It's super unsexy. 

They're comparing the contents of their trash bags. Their withered vaginas. Their callused clitorises.

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